The Pack Mentality

A clue about a family structure of narcissism, is that all those who hear the gossip or hold grudges on behalf of others, never care about finding out the truth, they prefer to believe the gossip.
When asked to say why they are angry at their target they refuse to divulge the reason for their anger and contempt, probably because they are not sure they have a reason, but they want to be friends with the narcissist.

Please don't agonize over the loss of a friend who will listen to gossip without bothering to come and talk about it. How they come makes a difference too. If they love us they will come in humility desiring to hear our side of the story. If they are evil, they will come in an accusatory tone, hoping to catch us in something. Those who come in an accusatory tone, are not interested in finding truth, but only interested in injuring you further.
 

There is a pack mentality in human beings too. We seldom see a person who is willing to stand against the pack, never mind whether what they are doing is right or wrong. We see this in politics, families, churches, nearly every institution we deal with there is a pack mentality.

Pack Mentality: "1.The tendency for groups of individuals to act together without planned direction."
Mankind has a tendency to feel the need to fit into the pack. When the pack is doing something wrong, those who have somewhat of a conscience, will not want to do the evil, so they will sheepishly stand back to allow the pack to proceed, but never say a word to discourage the pack.
These spineless people are more concerned about being accepted than they are about truth and righteousness.

In the Psychological industry these followers of the pack who do not discourage the evil, are called "flying monkeys." They do whatever others want them to do, except when it may get them into trouble, then they employ a tactic called "plausible deniability." They do nothing to stop the pack, they do not leave the pack, but they stand in a corner as though they are not involved, able to say at the end of it, "I wasn't involved."

My take on the flying monkey, is this; if they are there and they said and did nothing to stop evil, then they are culpable for all that happened.

How Serious is Dishonor of Parents?

Often adult children base their contempt for parents on what they perceived to be wrong when they were small. I was accused at times for being mean because I didn't want my children to go to bad movies. I expected them to pick up after themselves, help with yard work and other normal activities, often met with anger and contempt for having to do these things.

Because of the rebellion, they concocted in their heart that I was mean without remembering why they felt that way at the time they were young. When parents have boundaries and standards, in a culture that mocks them, then the children will think the parent is mean, when it is the society that is wrong.

Interestingly, many adult children have forgotten all the sacrifices and efforts to protect and help them learn, that the parent spent, what seemed like a lifetime, their lifetime, doing.

When a culture reaches the point that adult children are commonly rejecting the parents, their wisdom and their instruction, we have reached the point of no return as a nation.

It is impossible to train, teach and influence a rebellious people who have turned their back on their parents. It is a direct and explicit command of God to honor them without conditions associated to it. These same rebellious generations will have no more respect for God than they do their parents. The mentality of rebellion against authority does not end with only parents, it spills over onto anyone who will expect accountability.

Many adult children today have an idea of how they want their parents to act, that may not even be Biblical, it is their idea rather than the principles of Christ that motivate them to disregard and demean their parents. They are living in a world of self aggrandizement, elevating their own ideas above God and above the many years of life experience of their parents.

Little do they understand that God takes this horrific rebellion against parents so seriously that death was the punishment before the age of grace. After the age of grace, the intensity of the evil didn't diminish, it remained the same, however the way we deal with it is different. In the OT dispensation we are told to have these rebels stoned, but in the age of grace we are to remove ourselves and let God deal with them. In 2 Timothy 3:1-5 we see that God no longer tells us to destroy the adult children who act rebelliously, we are to leave them to God, but the command in verse 5 is to remove ourselves from them.

2 Timothy 3:1-5
"3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."

Proverbs 30:17 "The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it."

Ungratefulness is rampant in our culture in this generation of entitlement. When we think we deserve something, there is contempt toward the one that will not give us our desires or the one who requires accountability and respect.

Proverbs 28:24 "He who robs his father or his mother And says, "It is not a transgression," Is the companion of a man who destroys."

Proverbs 30:11 "There is a kind of man who curses his father And does not bless his mother."

Deuteronomy 21:18-21 ""If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them, then his father and mother shall seize him, and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gateway of his hometown. "They shall say to the elders of his city, 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey us, he is a glutton and a drunkard.' read more. Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death; so you shall remove the evil from your midst, and all Israel will hear of it and fear."

Exodus 21:15 ""He who strikes his father or his mother shall surely be put to death."

Leviticus 20:9 "'If there is anyone who curses his father or his mother, he shall surely be put to death; he has cursed his father or his mother, his bloodguiltiness is upon him."

Deuteronomy 21:18 ""If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them,"

Micah 7:6 "For son treats father contemptuously, Daughter rises up against her mother, Daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; A man's enemies are the men of his own household."

I fear that our culture does not take sin seriously enough and because of this, the culture is becoming more wicked with each new generation.

Narcissists Demean Their Parents

We have moved into a culture in which the next generation does not understand what it is to honor and respect anyone, even their parents.  When confronted with this deficiency they become enraged claiming they do, the very act of raging in protest proves their disrespect.  The only way this can change in an individual is if they realize their sin, repent and trust Christ to change them into a new creation.

Proverbs 23:9 "Do not speak in the hearing of a fool,
For he will despise the wisdom of your words."

Proverbs 26:11  "Like a dog that returns to its vomit
Is a fool who repeats his folly."

Proverbs 9:7,8 He who corrects a scoffer gets dishonor for himself,
And he who reproves a wicked man gets insults for himself.
8 Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you, Reprove a wise man and he will love you."

2 Corinthians 11:20 "For you tolerate it if anyone enslaves you, anyone devours you, anyone takes advantage of you, anyone exalts himself, anyone hits you in the face."

Psalms 1:1  "How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! "

Proverbs 16:22 "Understanding is a fountain of life to one who has it, But the discipline of fools is folly."

Matthew 15:14 "Leave them; they are blind guides. If the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit."

Mark 7:10-13  Moses gave you this law from God: ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and ‘Anyone who speaks disrespectfully of father or mother must be put to death. (Narcissists are often very disrespectful towards their parents).

Consequences of Rebellion

God gives rebellious people over to their hideous consequences when they refuse to ask Him for His guidance. Many people use God like a fairy god mother, they don't want His principles, they don't want instruction from His Word, they have elevated self to god status but when they get into difficulties in life they run to Him to bail them out.

Even as they are asking Him for help they show no honor or respect.

These same people will not listen to anyone who corrects them, nor ...do they honor or respect those who challenge them to greater holiness. Have you met other believers who are enraged when challenged to rethink what they believe or when we attempt to counsel them about something they are doing? These are stubborn souls who will see sad consequences of their rebellion, even life long devastating consequences.

God will not tolerate rebellion in the heart of a person who claims to be a Christian. He must discipline those who hold themselves up as the ultimate authority in their own lives.
Many apostates think they know it all, they have much knowledge about the Bible in their heads, but they fool themselves into thinking they are obeying God when in reality they are ignoring the passages they don't like and twisting things to fit what they want.

Proverbs 1:25-33
"25 And you neglected all my counsel And did not want my reproof;
26 I will also laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your dread comes,
27 When your dread comes like a storm And your calamity comes like a whirlwind, When distress and anguish come upon you.
28 "Then they will call on me, but I will not answer; They will seek me diligently but they will not find me,
29 Because * they hated knowledge And did not choose the fear of the LORD.
30 "They would not accept my counsel, They spurned all my reproof.
31 "So they shall eat of the fruit of their own way And be satiated with their own devices.
32 "For the waywardness of the naive will kill them, And the complacency of fools will destroy them.
33 "But he who listens to me shall live securely And will be at ease from the dread of evil."

One who loves the Lord loves to discuss His principles, they run to Him for everything in their life. These people love the people of God, desiring to be holy, they encourage others to be holy. Any counsel that comes their way they evaluate and love what is truth, able to see error and discard it easily.

Many pretenders are offended at any form of counsel that might make them rethink what they are doing or thinking.

Anyone who desires closeness to God must confess their stubbornness, repent, changing how they think, ready to obey God then God promises them this:

"But he who listens to me shall live securely and will be at ease from the dread of evil." Proverbs 1:33

A Point of No Return

The more we obey God, the greater we grow in holiness. A saying I read once, I don't know the author, but is true, "one of the elements of holiness is the absence of self awareness."

 

The self esteem teaching has been devastating to the Christian churches. It has taught people to value themselves above all others, it will slop over into attitudes about God. When we train ourselves to continually make sure we get what we want, it becomes an addiction, barely having time to diminish ourselves for the sake of others. Even those who claim they don't believe in the self esteem teaching have many ways they operate in this realm of psychology without realizing it.

 

Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;"

We have to continue to evaluate our attitudes and actions to be able to confess them to God to be changed by Him.

 

1 Corinthians 11:31 "For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged."

Those who are stubborn, fighting and arguing to maintain what they think is their elevated position, cannot grow, their only eventuality is regression in their walk and a downward spiral in rebellion.

 

Those who have rebellious hearts are in for a rough time, they may not see it immediately, it may take many years before they see the discipline of God, because God is patient, He gives us lots of time and many spankings to compel us to make a choice to obey Him. If one hangs onto their arrogance and rebellion there will be serious discipline. We can recover from the rebellion by confessing the sin and being cleansed, more humble and wiser, however often the consequences of many years of rebellion remain.

 

God does not remove all consequences, they are necessary to remind us what rebellion produces. We can be forgiven, humbled and cleansed, while passing on our lessons to others who have not yet rebelled to the point of no return, and there is a point of no return if we do not repent (change our mind) and confess it to God and those whom we have harmed.

Proverbs 17:11 "An evil man seeks only rebellion, and a cruel messenger will be sent against him."

Deuteronomy 28:47-48 "Because you did not serve the Lord your God with joyfulness and gladness of heart, because of the abundance of all things, therefore you shall serve your enemies whom the Lord will send against you, in hunger and thirst, in nakedness, and lacking everything. And he will put a yoke of iron on your neck until he has destroyed you."

Matthew 4:7 "Jesus said to him, “Again it is written, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

John 8:44 "You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies."

There is a point when God turns us over to our own foolishness and rebellion, no longer hearing prayers, no longer helping us, this is a very dangerous place to be for anyone.

 

Proverbs 29:1 "A man who hardens his neck after much reproof Will suddenly be broken beyond remedy."

Do we want to experience the blessing of God's presence in our lives, His direction and counsel, or would we rather ignore Him only to experience His anger upon us.

 

Arrogance and rebellion brings nothing but heartbreak to anyone, those who hang onto it are gaining nothing except what they have concocted in their own minds, the reality does not show any benefit to them spiritually. They main gain in worldly possessions, but their spiritual life is a down hill rolling snowball, only to end up at the bottom of the hills broken and useless.

Distraction Prevents Learning

There has been a practice that I have long disagreed with but find it difficult to meet anyone else who agrees with my thinking. 

The practice of diverting a child's attention when he is engaged in mean spirited play with another child, is common.  I have seen this often, one child will walk up and begin to take away another child's toy while the victim cries and holds tightly to his toy, a parent quickly steps in with another toy to distract the child with the new toy, rather than teaching empathy and kindness, they merely cause the child to think they no longer want the toy of their victim.

The reason I have always disagreed with this, is that when we distract a child, we have managed to avoid a fight, give the naughty child a reward for his attempted rudeness while giving the mean child more attention than the victim.  I realize the motivation behind this is to avoid all arguments, fights and bad feelings. 

But keep in mind that when we pay more attention in a positive way to the naughty child, the victim is basically ignored.  The victim had a struggle, the feelings were hurt, he was unjustly treated, but he is not comforted.

The proper thing to do, is teach the bully to give back the toy, say they are sorry and give comfort to the victim.  A child does not learn empathy and kindness when they are led to believe they must be distracted from doing evil, that they don't have to do anything they don't choose to do, there must be something in it for them. 

Americans don't realize how much they are training this generation to be selfish bullies by distracting them rather than disciplining and training them, by making them do the right thing. 

Lack of proper training and instruction perpetuates rudeness, thoughtlessness and lack of empathy for others.  Our culture has been so busy praising their children for normal insignificant things, so much so that the child is angry and vengeful when they are not being the center of attention, lavished with excessive amounts of admiration. 

It makes sense that children would gravitate toward the adults that heap accolades on them ad nauseum. Those who require accountability for their actions followed by instruction are treated with contempt as though they have done something wrong. 

I find this situation very backward and sad, that those who are attempting to do what is best for children will be devalued in the minds of the children and it will be the adults around them doing it. 
What to do about this?   I JUST DON'T KNOW, except to say that we do what we should in training when possible and walk away from those who are enabling children to be naughty.  If we have an opportunity to visit alone with the children, we can execute boundaries and standards at our home, but chances are good that the children will go home and resume where they left off with their parents. 

Children and even adults often take the path of least resistance for the sake of the love of their children.  It isn't very important any more whether or not something is good for a child, what takes center stage is what they want "right now." 

Is there any wonder we are seeing a dramatic increase in narcissism in our day, where standards are demeaned and mocked, while casual thinking is embraced and elevated.

Our families need a lot of prayer that the Lord would help the parents see the seriousness of the small actions and attitudes we take in raising children. Children are trained by every little thing, the big things don't come around very often, it is in the little things in everyday life,  that are opportunities for important life lessons.

Earth Our Training Ground

Have you noticed that the difficult times are those that teach us the most?

Is it possible that we are being trained for our service as leaders in the millennium?

 

Revelation 20:6 "Blessed and holy is the one who has a part in the first resurrection; over these the second death has no power, but they will be priests of God and of Christ and will reign with Him for a thousand years."

 

It helps me when I realize that everything that happens to us is for a reason. There is a saying in the exercise industry, "no pain no gain", could it be possible that we have to endure much here on earth to have wisdom for what we will have to handle as leaders after this life is over?

 

James 1:2-8

"2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,

3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

6 But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.

7 For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, 8 being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."

 

When I think of all the times I just want to be bailed out of things, but couldn't, it is clear a lot of lessons would have been missed, had I not gone through.

 

Perhaps we were not only formed in our mother's womb, but continue to be Christ led and shaped all through this life. I can't say I enjoyed all the messy things, but I am excited about all I learned.

 

God knows me better than I know myself, He knew me while I was unborn.

 

Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations."

 

Thankfully as believers we don't go through anything alone, even if there are no people to go through with us, Christ is always present, available and ready to hear. 

 

Hebrews 13:5 "Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,”

 

Deuteronomy 31:6 ""Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you."

 

When we view our trials as blessings, keeping focused on Christ, we have great hope and expectation for the time when we will leave our training ground and begin our new assignment as priests on the other side.